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I must be honest…I was completely lost on what to talk about on this post. I’m honestly done just trying to look pretty without talking valuable stuff that will help my readers. Not that liking clothes and being fashionista is wrong. In fact, I advocate for dressing up well because the way we dress and carry ourselves says a lot about how we see ourselves. I don’t know about you but when I dress well, I feel more confident and I’m able to carry myself better in meeting other people and conversing.
I’m also not saying that I won’t post fashion stuff anymore. I’ve always loved fashion and will always love it.
But this past couple of years, I’ve been on a self-discovery journey. And I did that for myself, for my husband, and for our marriage, as well as for other people. I know that if I’m better and if I’m feeling good about myself, I can give more to my marriage and I can serve people better.
See, there’s a lot of things that go on an daily basis that a lot of times we either just roll with and let slide – events, people, stuff, that make us happy, sad, upset, and we don’t even understand why. Our emotions just flow a lot of times. It’s all good when it’s positive emotions but what about the negative emotions? What frustrates you and why? What upsets you and why? What makes you sad and why? How do you handle them when they come?
Often, we don’t take the time to sit down and reflect on those things. We are constantly on social media, busy trying to post stuff for other people to see and we spend so much time in looking at what other people is up to. Guilty as charged. But I realized I needed to make a change. I had to step back. I stopped making Instagram my life and spent time discovering myself. After all, real life occurs outside social media and how I live my life outside of it is what matters.
If we don’t stop and take moments to reflect, there will come a time for breaking point…and that’s actually what happened to me. There have been times when I was feeling all kinds of negative emotions and I wasn’t understanding why I was having those. There were times when I had taken those negative emotions out on my husband and I didn’t like it.
So I made an internal change..
The first step for me was to become more conscious…consciousness or awareness is key in discovering yourself. You can ask yourself leading questions like: What makes me happy? What makes me sad? What makes me ticked? What frustrates me? What are the things that I enjoy? What are my strengths? Weaknesses? Write the questions and answers down and reflect on them. Keeping a journal is highly recommended. I highly recommend this Start Where You Are Journal.
Secondly, as you experience things on a daily basis, be conscious of them. For example, you had breakfast at a place and you felt good about it. Pause and take a few seconds to think about the feeling. Why did you feel good about it? Was it because a good breakfast really helps you think better in the morning? Was it the food? Was it the place? Thinking about these things help your brain organize thoughts and put them into compartments.
I think the most exciting thing for me in this journey is knowing the little things that make happy. When my husband and I first started dating, he asked me what I wanted to do for fun. Even though we were close friends for a long time, I never hung out a lot with him or the group. Him and I would have coffee to have a talk every now and again but that’s it so he never really knew what I do for fun outside of church. Quite honestly, I didn’t know either.
So when he asked me the question, I said “work”. It took him aback and made him laugh because who likes to work for fun? But that’s all I do and I never really knew what makes me happy.
However, in our marriage, as we go out and began to do things together, I became more aware of myself. I realized that I absolutely LOVE breakfast. It’s one meal that I can’t have without. I also discovered that I get hangry so I need to have food before I even get absolutely hungry.
Going on a self discovery journey doesn’t mean trying to perfect yourself. It just means understanding more of yourself. Taking the time to be present in the moment and letting go. This Present Not Perfect Journal is a great companion in this as well.
Thirdly, I listened to a lot of self-development audio books. You may be a reader or you may be a listener but whatever is more comfortable for you, do it. I’m more of a listener so I preferred audio books verse physical books.
Below are some books I highly recommend to start with.
Another thing that helps me a lot is doing meditation in the morning. I normally spend an hour or more in the morning to just spend time meditating on my favorite scriptures or scriptures that help me on a particular situation. I also do affirmations. I found that doing this in the morning sets the tone of my day.
I really suggest that you do the same. If this is something new to you, you can always start with 5-10 minutes at first and then develop it into something longer or whatever is more comfortable to you or whatever fits your schedule. If you read biographies of highly successful people, you will find that this is something that they do. Each one has a routine for success in the morning.
Hope this helps you and more power to your self-discovery journey!